As another week begins it seems appropriate to reflect back at the week gone by, and what a week it has been. It has both simultaneously been busy yet quite, crazy yet peaceful.
It has been in this week that for the first time in Israel I have eaten lunch alone.
For this week, it has been very quiet. The lose of my brother-in-arms still weighs heavy upon the office – with it still not being the same. Of my two remaining comrades, one was in Finland with his (what I’m sure will be) soon-to-be wife which he never should have left. The other, it was his first week in his new position without the security of being under the wing of his 40-year-experience predecessor and thus off his feet.
My last bastion of sanity, in this otherwise autism showcase then flew away for a long weekend in Cyprus to get married – because oh yes, unless you are both provably Jewish back to the grandparents then you arent Jewish enough to marry in the Jewish state.
And all of this in the same week that I said goodbye to my personal tour-guide of Israel, the person who showed me the bright lights of Tel Aviv and so many places. And now she’s living her life 10 time zones away on the other side of Canada.
This left me with a curious case of having absolutely nothing to do of interest upon the weekend.
So what does any work obsessed, career driven – yet career confused, person with nothing to do and no responsibility do. Well the obvious answer is make use of the copious free equipment at work and do back to back 12 hour days whilst simultaneously catching up on a load of paper work that should have been done months ago.
It seems a weird alignment in the planets that I find myself with nothing to do. But at the same time having time to catch up on all things work, to spend time alone, music blaring and just crack on and cross a few stubborn things off the list was very therapeutic.
Of course, there needs to be a work / life balance and I can hardly say that I’ve been unproductive on the work front. But for a little while there has been a nagging at the back of my mind that says that I’m here for work first and an amazing time second. I know that I’m only going to be here a short time and when I think that already 4 months has gone by without me even realising it’s terrifying how quickly time has moved. Whilst at the same time, some days seem to drag and drag.
I know that if I want to stay in this life, this academic life, then I need to get results from this place. This needs to be a positive mark on the CV with glowing recommendations and reports. Maybe that’s all just a moot point. But what I need most is to keep my options open at this point. Just like this time last year I had no idea where I would be in a years time, this year, like last, I’ve got no idea what I’ll be doing in another 12 months.
It’s a very strange feeling. I’ve avoided being alone for so long, I’ve kind of forgotten what it feels like. But it seems no matter where I go, I surround myself with people. Good people. Some amazing people. And I try to keep as many of these amazing people in my life as possible. I guess, ultimately, this is why I write here in such a public fashion. I often delude myself that I write for me, only me, and the fact that people read it is a happy coincidence. But now I think it isn’t that. I think this is my way of keeping as many of those people that I care about in my life as possible.
This weekend when I had no intention of seeing anyone. I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel lonely. I was comfortable in knowing that there’s people out there that care regardless. And whilst they weren’t physically there it didn’t matter.
Sometimes, it is good to step back and just…enjoy the silence.