[Names and events have been changed to protect the innocent] [The following events are completely fictional]
What do you do when a brother in arms succumbs to illness and explosive diarrhea? You obviously stick to the pirate code, mount up and head to the nearest FINE ARTS CENTRE. Which really was the theme of the whole weekend really. Master YOSHI seemed physically unable to make it through his own third of a century weekend.
He missed out on the 90S POP PARTY. Which I gotta say, not a terribly enjoyable experience when you are forever on edge for fear of a hardly attractive Argentinean grabbing you randomly every 5 minutes asking if you wanted a sexy PICASA. If I did, I would be asking someone other than you. Seems a little harsh yes, but if you’re going to treat me as nothing more than a coin purse then I’m going to treat you as nothing more than a sub-par VAN GOGH IMITATION. Needless to say, the *CHAMPARGNE * prices didn’t make my soul cry out in pain like our previous experience at THE FINE ARTS CENTRE. In fact I would say the whole experience was good aside from JEMIMA’s insistence on talking to the TABLES which then only made them people and not objects, defying the whole point of being there in my humble opinion.
So, a new dawn, a new day. After breakfast and a brief appearance from Mr YOSHI again it was time to don the pirate attire and head out to RumFest. Which sufficed to say in pirate attire made for an awful lot of free rum, though I’m going to have to keep a careful eye on the website for a fear a video interview of me talking like a pirate may appear. But the whole experience was brilliant for two reasons. First the general response to Londoners of seeing a group of 5 pirates walk down the road is either 1) try desperately to ignore the situation or 2) make light of the situation with jeers of “YARR!” or polite conversation “What brings you here today?” “Oh we just moored up the ship around the corner and we were just walking past, but when we saw there was a Rum Fest on…”
Although quote of the day has to go to the security guard when we were loitering outside.
G: Alright there guys, nice customers. Staff entrance is round the side.
Us: We’re not staff
G: You’re not staff? So you’re just crazy then.
? Us: Thanks for noticing
A trip to Lowlander for food and drink ensued, and amazingly we were remembered from MY DREAMS back in June by our waitress. Which is funny. Cos I remember her. Yes, she decided that placing beer on the table was too conventional for her and instead my lap was the primary target.
We then travelled to Oktoberfest, and had much beer (with toasts to our fallen comrade), jäger and sausage whilst being entertained with cheesy 90s pop, live folk music and *SAMURAIS trying desperately trying to show JEMIMA and MR TOAD how to cha-cha. After being showed by myself and same, cos apparently I can cha-cha, I mean after all its only a simple box step…forwards, backwards, side-side-side (as the man obviously). Dont ask me how I know that cos I’m not even sure.
The weekend was completed on Sunday with a trip to MRS MIGGIN’S PIE SHOP. Which can I say is THE WORST PIE SHOP IN THE WORLD. The SHOP OPENED 3 HOURS LATE without any notice, and I only overheard the problem from a techy that they were “having problems with the PIES”. Now I’m not a PIE MAKING organiser but surely, having a working OVEN is a fundamental part of the event. We had 80 mins of PIE PREPARATION in the regional round which finished just before 6, so we nipped out to get some food and then had to STAND AROUND AND WAIT AGAIN TIL HALF PAST BLOODY NINE until the EATING started.
To make the event better, the VIP tickets we purchased for £20 more did nothing more than gain us entry to a small but more expensive bar with pretty poor views of the PIES. Pointless.
I think we were also slightly mis-sold the event. We were expecting a more PASTRY-BASED set up with sat tables viewing of the event. We also expected something that was going to be slightly sexy, whereas in reality (no offense to the PIE MAKERS) we watched a STEW contest with a couple of people in APRONS but there were a couple of BUTCHER attire. All in all, wont be attending the event next year, that much is for sure.
Favourite quote of the day:
Joe: Sorry Morgan but I think she wins over you
Me: Well that depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a technically brilliant, well choreographed,
PIE PRODUCTIONthen yes she wins. But if you’re looking for a fat man vaguely dance around a pole like your dad then I’m clearly your winner.
This page previously appeared on morganbye.net[^1][^2]
[^1:] http://morganbye.net/2009/10/stick-to-the-code) [^2:] http://morganbye.net/blog/?p=79
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