Morgan H. Bye, PhD


Urgh! Here we are again. Another disgusting mood I can’t shake. I’m starting to think that there’s something seriously wrong with the way that I’m doing weekends. I mean it’s no real coincidence, how many data points do I really need? Every week is sort of the same. I spend Wednesday and Thursday night looking forward to a drink but abstaining. And then when I get to Friday night I reach a certain level of “ah fuck it”.


Okay so I’m high, and about 60 seconds ago when I remembered/ thought it was a good idea to journal, I thought I had an amazing opening line. But unfortunately, what with the aforementioned high-ness it seems to have passed me by. Today wasn’t a very productive day. I’m stuck in a challenging place where I don’t have the energy or momentum to really be involved in the project. But to get the energy requires the project to have some momentum.


So where are we at today? I don’t know really. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a bit of mental prejudice against Thursdays. A long way from the start of the week, but without the excitement of Friday for the weekend. Perhaps I’m just stuck instead in the same old mental paths. Back when I was in grade 10 Thursday afternoons were back-to-back German (which I was terrible at, and with a teacher I hated) and advanced math (with a teacher I hated).


Another day, another dollar. Getting back into the office is good for me. Good for my mental health at least. Not so good for my general productivity. It’s an interesting thing being old enough to remember working in an office which required a physical presence every day. Leaving aside for a moment commuting in general. I can’t believe how much time I used to spend every day just moving back and forth between different boxes with internet connections.


A little bit of an extended hiatus. It just goes to show how fragile some of these do-good habits are. Like meditation, language learning or healthy eating. The only way I have stuck with any of them is through a sheer grit and determination. Not truly because I actually ever incorporated these things into my like. They never became autonomous. I bit like flossing. I’ve had the dentist lecture me incessantly for a decade or more and only in the last two times I’ve been to the dentist they didn’t mention it.


Last night I took my boss out for a drink. Well strictly speaking it wasn’t “a drink”, and it wasn’t my boss so much as the boss of the whole company. Yes, perhaps out of frustration, perhaps as a hail Mary or perhaps just as a calling of a bluff I had reached out to our CEO two weeks ago and asked for some face time with him next time he was in town.